two days, three prompts
Diary entries 07.08.2026-07.09.2026
July 8th, 2026
11:05am @ the dining table
Observations:
My lover setting up her belongings at the table I’m sitting at.
Writing “her” in reference to “my lover…” a dream come true.
An empty pill box (period for taking them!)
“Daylist” playing from the other room.
Therapy in less than an hour
4:01pm @ pk2
Observations:
a too-foamy latte (8oz, so technically a cappuccino)
Work to be done
The tv is off
Very nice lo-fi, fading out & into piano
Obsessively hitting my vape
I want to do some prompts… here we go!
Prompt: What have you outgrown that you still find yourself holding onto?
I want to say anger. I’m so angry, and at so many things, and I can’t seem to let go of it. What am I angry at? My mom, and all of the trauma I now have because of her sheer ignorance, lack of willingness to learn & be wrong, and her… (that’s it… because of her).
I’ve been angry at the hand I’ve been dealt for as long as I’ve been conscious. Angry that my dad was an addict and was in prison because the system said he was a “bad guy.” At a young age, the crooked nature of the prison system became clear to me.
Angry that his leaving left me with a mother that either loved or hate me, with no in between, and a brother who only ever took advantage of how much I admired him. Piece of shit. Angry because my first boyfriend raped me and I couldn’t tell anyone - he was also cheating on me & that felt more relevant at the time. Angry because my brother witnessed it and did nothing. He probably just thought of me as a 15 year old whore.
Everything manifests as anger, which is, of course, another trauma thing.
I’m living a completely different, completely detached, life, and yet am still beyond angry because of everything Little Mel went through. I could sit here and list things I’m angry about for a long while. It all boils down to the woman who will never deserve the title “mom” again.
Prompt: Write about a conversation that quietly changed your life.
The first and only conversation that comes to mind is that with my coworker (whose privacy I will protect <3) prior to my applying to massage therapy school. It unlocked a desire that was hidden so deep. That conversation proved to me that investing time, money, and energy into a SKILL can truly set one up for financial success. I have never known anyone who went through with a trade and became successful. Rather, I haven’t known someone to go the trade route, generally. I’ve been so caught up in academia my whole life. Anything but, was never an option. I needed someone, and in this scenario, a coworker at a job I had just begun, to tell me to pursue something that could result in prosperity. I needed someone to remind me that financial security is out there, I just have to do it and get out of the g*d d*mn service industry. Thank you, redacted.
July 9th, 2026
8:05am on the couch
Observations:
A random vlog - only montages thus far
my second coffee on the table to my right
Zoey, eating breakfast number two
Vonnie, laying on the floor pillow (it’s a normal pillow that ended up on the floor one day that the cats claimed).
Kindle to my left - open to “31 Journal Prompts for July.”
Good morning! It wasn’t as hard to wake up this morning. I woke up, my lover’s face in my hand. I truly do love that woman. Not that I ever doubt my love for her, I simply doubt my ability to love and be loved. But, DAMN IT! I love loving her! Easiest thing I’ve ever done is love her.
It’s 8:15 and I have work at 9. I’m going to do a prompt, then leave for work. Here we go!
actually, that feels like a lot of work right now. so, I’m just gonna head to work early and just do my makeup or something. farewell!
9:59am at pk2 - time for a prompt! I don’t feel drawn to the next one (July 5th’s). so I’m jumping to today’s.
Prompt: What belief about yourself are you ready to let go of?
The belief that I do not have intrinsic value. That I have something “to prove.” That, in order to be complete and loved. That I must wholly change.
The belief that my simply existing isn’t enough. That I don’t deserve love.
I’m currently opposed to loving myself because I still have the traits my mother hated. I can’t even begin to feel worthy of love, internal or external, because of how much she belittled my personhood.
I want to deem myself worthy “just cuz,” not because I changed.
1:07pm at pk2 - hello again! It’s been SLOW! Not mad but also now… I’d just like to leave [work]. Plus, my boss is my relief so I’m generally nervous that I haven’t done everything. Anyways, I wrote a lot in Cort’s notebook. Like, a page and a half. Go me for having things to say!! [redacted for privacy]
2pm - Okay, so, what do i need tonight??
journal out
video essays
chores
shower
cross stitch
read
CATS!
Alright, my boss gets here in roughly 30 minutes. I need to put my shit away and get to work! Farewell for now <3
okay I literally didn’t write anything except for movie recommendations from July 10th - July 14th (when I’m typing this up)… so, hopefully you enjoyed reading my diary from these 2 days and my response to 3 prompts :)
“Writing “her” in reference to “my lover…” a dream come true.”
Though I am the lover in question, I can’t help but resonate with this. What a dream come true to experience lesbian love.
“Angry because my brother witnessed it and did nothing. He probably just thought of me as a 15 year old whore.”
What a gut punch moment. Your writing is honest and raw. Thank you for your vulnerability.
I’m really enjoying this format. As a certified nosy bitch, how fun to read something so honest and open. We are all just humans experiencing life for the first time aren’t we? Thank you for making that experience feel a little less lonely.
no living creature has to prove a single thing to be worthy of love <3